For Honor
by Velvet Footsteps
Summary: Based loosely on Mulan, this is a heartrending retelling (with KK,BK and a little AM and SM) filled with drama, romance, action, and adventure. When did a quest to uphold the family honor become one to find herself?
1. Prologue: Reflections

Author's Note: This is my second attempt at a Rurouni Kenshin fan fic.  I want it to be known that this may be fiction, but it should be taken seriously nevertheless.  I'm not used to writing intense stories, but this one is written from the heart, as I have incorporated many of my own thoughts and feelings into this piece.

Summary:  This is an AU B/K, K/K fic full of romance, drama, action, adventure, and some humor. There is an ongoing war in Japan. Kaoru, tired of not being able to do anything about it, takes her ailing father's place in joining the army to uphold the family honor. However, only men are allowed to fight, so Kaoru must keep her identity secret, something hard to do when she's on a quest to find who she is inside.

Disclaimer:  I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or any versions of Mulan, but humor me, just for a little while!

For Honor

Prologue: Reflections

By CrismHeart

October 6, 2003

Who is she, that girl who no one else sees, who hides herself from the rest of the world and remains trapped in the dark abyss of her mind?  Who could she be, but me?  Even with the excessive amount of white powder on my face and red paint coloring my lips, I could still tell who the girl was.

I sat myself beside the stream, wishing that I could be like the serene waters, ever flowing and forever free, but in my heart, I knew that was not my fate.  There were too many responsibilities to be concerned with.  Tilting my face ever so slightly, I observed the girl in the water who was staring just as intently back at me with her sapphire eyes.  There was something in those eyes that captivated me.  Perhaps it was the sorrow and loneliness they exuded, or maybe it was the fact that I knew they belonged to me. All the same, they hypnotized me.  I reached out towards the girl as an offer of companionship, only to cause small ripples in the water with my fingers, but they were enough to replace the image with a distorted one.

Sometimes, I feel the need to escape this life I was given, and where to, but the only place I could to be alone: a realm that is not reality, but not quite fantasy either.  It's somewhere between the two realms, buried deep within me and yet it just feels so… empty.

"Kaoru!"

My musings were interrupted by the sound of someone calling me back to the life I longed to leave.  I turned around to see my father.  Although he was not young anymore and was ill, he could still manage to stand as composed as he always had been.  However, his calm demeanor did not deceive me.  I knew my father was disappointed in me for I had dishonored my family name.

I have been told that I am quite beautiful and for that reason only, was I chosen to be sent to the local matchmaker to audition.  Besides, my family had come into a small fortune since my father had served in the army as a high-ranking general during the last war and I was seventeen; most girls my age were already married.  I suppose there is veracity in the statement that a person's assets can lead to their downfall, but I am not ready to lose this battle against our society- not yet.

There were many girls even younger than I at the matchmaker's home.  I pitied them; they were like me.  They tried to fool themselves that they were going to be genuinely happy, but I could see that beneath their cheerful façade was a child scared of what the future would bring.

As can be imagined, my father's vision of the perfect life for me was ruined and all because of my silly notions about love.  All the luck in the world would not have been able to help me.  I never was especially elegant and refined, but being naturally clumsy _and_ deliberately trying to be, made it quite simple to fail the matchmaker's tests on etiquette.  Tae, the matchmaker, had said that I looked like a porcelain doll, but the careless remark sounded so jarringly wrong in my ears.  I knew that she had meant for it to be a compliment, but it affected me greatly.  Appearances can be misleading, for I am no doll, no puppet to do as I am told, nor am I a fragile object for others to admire.

Try as I could, I could not hold in any of my pent up emotions.  For Tae, it was exasperating to see me acting this way.  For me, on the other hand, well, I was almost unsuccessful in suppressing my laughter at her horrified reaction.    I had purposely spoken my mind in the company of my prospective husband when not spoken to, and then accidentally spilled the searing tea on him.  All the while, I kept what little poise I had and tripped gracefully in a fruitless attempt to dab at the spilt liquid on the poor man's shirt.  If the situation had been different and Tae had not been one of my dearest friends, I probably would have laughed.

Regardless of my impractical behavior, I do feel guilty.  I know that my father wanted what was best for me.  He had hoped for me to have a bright future as the wife of a wealthy man with enough money to look after me, but can't he see that I could care less for any of that?!  It would be an insult to life itself to proclaim that living was possible without love!  My father and mother would tell me that they had an arranged marriage as well, but they had grown to love each other.  I know that it's a once in a lifetime occurrence, though.  Why can't I fall in love on my own accord?

I know that I must be true to my heart; I am tired of pretending to be anyone else.  I have had to cover myself with this blank mask my entire life that I forgotten who I am on the inside.  And all the while I search for myself, I am determined to hold onto my childhood dreams: that true love does exists and that in the end, love will prevail…

My father knelt down so that he could see my face more clearly.  I suppose there must have been something there that showed how I was feeling at the moment because his grim expression softened.   We just remained that way for a few minutes, neither one of us daring to break the silent beauty of nature.  The sight of the pale pink and white cherry blossoms was breathtaking.  Finally, my father spoke, "We have such beautiful blossoms this year."

I was not entirely sure whether his comment was to himself or to me, so I did not reply.

"Look," my father stood up and he pointed towards one of the sakura blossoms overheard.

I did as he asked, watching him curiously.

"This one is late, but when it blooms I bet it will be the most beautiful of them all."

I smiled as I thought over what he had told me.  My heart felt a little lighter, perhaps there was hope after all.  My father had always been a wise man.  In fact, he often managed to aggravate my mother with the way he would never say exactly what he meant.  Even so, I think what he was trying to say was that everything would be all right in time.  If only it would turn out to be true…

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Author's Note:  Please review, but I would appreciate if you are not quick to judge my limited abilities.  Furthermore, I would like to apologize if I made you feel depressed.  I normally do not like angst, but I felt it was crucial to begin my tale (but just the beginning, so don't worry).  I hope you found that somewhat meaningful.


	2. Chapter 1: Bittersweet Memories

Author's Note:  I just wanted to inform you that I often put foreshadowing and symbolism in my writing (as demonstrated in my prologue), so I'm sure that if you are an attentive reader you'll catch sight of them.  Don't look too hard because I'm not _that_ complex. Also, I'm not really sure of my tenses since some of them are past and others present.  Please excuse it, but hopefully it's understandable.  I get so confused trying to figure it out!

Disclaimer:  Both Rurouni Kenshin and Mulan do not belong to me, as I doubt I will ever be worthy of holding such a title.

For Honor

Chapter 1: Bittersweet Memories of Childhood

By CrismHeart

October 18, 2003

There's an entire universe out there and I am in awe.  Even when you strain your eyes to take everything in, there always is something still there, just beyond the horizon, waiting for you to discover it.  I was never fully conscious of it until now, how in the midst of it all, I stand so utterly alone…

I know it sounds ludicrous.  Me- alone?  I have a family and close friends, my loved ones to stand by me.  What pain could a girl like me know?  I live in a home that sheltered and protected from the rest of the world, but what if that's not what I really want?  What if I want- more?

I am thought of as a loner in this society for my unconventional ideas.  I never really thought about it.  I suppose it's true, but this was not always so.  I remember being happy in childhood, without a care in the world, but that was then, when _he_ was still here.

My parents knew that I was still distressed over yesterday's episode with the matchmaker so they did not bother me about it.  In fact, they seemed to be avoiding a conversation that did not have to do with the ordinary: the weather, food, and laundry.  My mother sent me to the marketplace to buy a bucket of tofu and rice for her to prepare lunch.  Although my mother and father will never completely understand me, they know enough to know that I needed time to myself.  She knew that I loved the busy streets of Tokyo ever since I was a child.  I am not sure why, but the diverse voices of people passing by ringing in my ears, the sweet aroma of freshly baked good floating in the air, and the sight of the brightly colored items being sold in each shop that caught my eye were so comforting to me.  I struggled to keep the joy that would have risen within me from surfacing because I knew that what I was feeling could not be real.  It was only the familiar scene that I had seen day after day that had made me content.  This was the home that I grew up in and had not finished growing up in yet.

I chuckled with a mirth I did not feel.  I often find myself doing just that.  Even after having practiced my expressions, I know that they are only imitations of emotion.  It's strange how sounds that are supposed to be a representation of happiness can sound so hollow.  When I think about my life, it's all I want to do, but inside… I can feel myself drowning.  In a way, I am like the waters; only it is my sorrow that has engulfed me, my unshed tears that have been gushing from my heart like the steadfast waves of an ocean.

My family and I… our whole life is centered around this constant play in which I have no choice but to take part in.  But what if I'm not meant for this role?  I have tried so hard to prevent myself to revealing who I am lest I ruin it for my mother and father.

On my way back from the markets, I took the path to my friend Misao's house as usual, yet even before I had arrived, I perceived that something was amiss.  The golden sun's warm embrace was disconcerting all of a sudden; as if it were trying to shield me from the news I was to hear.  The white clouds were tinged with the lightest gray and the clear skies were no longer the endless stretch of blue I used to marvel at.

Apparently Misao had left the gates open.  I entered, but did so cautiously.  The house gave off a melancholy aura, so unlike the cheerful girl I knew.  When I went into the house, I saw the figure of my friend lying on the floor crying.

"Misao-chan!  What's wrong?" I panicked as the worst situations that could have possibly have happened came to my mind.  It must have been horrible for Misao to be crying.  I hugged her to me in an attempt to calm her down.

"A- Aoshi-sama- the- the war-" Misao wailed.

Between her incoherent sobs, I could make out two distinct phrases, "Aoshi-sama" and "war," but I could figure out the rest of where this was going and I was not partial to the idea of war.  The emperor must have made a decree ordering the men of each household to gather in Kyoto to fight for our country.  It should not have come as a surprise to me for I had heard about the poor international relations Japan had with other nations from my father, but nevertheless, I could not cover up the shock I felt.  Our country, our home- we're going to war.  

My heart was breaking for my friend.  Aoshi and Misao had a relationship that may be called "forbidden."  He was above the both of us in status and in wealth for he was a noble.  Misao, on the other hand, was a poor girl who lived with her grandfather.  I suppose there is something about this society that makes it so _blind_.  I could see the love Misao and Aoshi shared, while others scorned it.  Of course, Misao was more public in her affections while Aoshi kept them to himself, but their love was undeniable…  It's something that I'll always long for, but can only hope to have.

"Misao-chan…  I promise that he'll return to you."  I would make sure of it.  At least one of us deserves to be happy, and I wanted her to be.  I cannot stand to see Misao upset, she has already had so much misfortune.

After I returned home, I knew that my father had known about the emperor's announcement.  I feared for him.  He really should not be going off to fight.  Although he is still stronger than most men at his age, his sickness alone has weakened him considerably.  I know my mother felt the same way.  Though she tried to hide it from me, I could hear her weeping from her bedroom.

When it became nightfall, I could not sleep for I was too preoccupied with contemplating the preparations being made for the oncoming war.  I got up from my futon.  Perhaps it would help clear my thoughts to take a stroll.

It hurts so much knowing that your own father wanted a son instead of a daughter.  I strive to please him, but nothing I ever do will be good enough for I was not born a son.  I taught myself to read and I begged him to teach me the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu, the kenjutsu technique that had been passed down from father to son each generation, but he had always refused.  Even then, I was not one to give up so easily.  I would watch him train other students, my eyes shining with an eagerness to learn how to fight for the sake of protecting my loved ones, the ideal the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu encompassed.  He retired from this occupation when my mother warned him that his limbs were not quite as agile as they used to be.  What my father did not know was that I would train myself by mimicking the moves I had memorized from my observations of his classes.  I would take a bokken from the dojo and go to an open field to accomplish this.  However, we have had a special relationship throughout all the discrepancies we have encountered and I cannot bear the thought of having to lose it.

I took tentative steps as I neared the entrance of the dojo so as not to disturb the tranquility that belonged to night alone.  Upon reaching the doorway, I became aware of the presence of another person in the training room.

My father dressed himself in the uniform that he had last worn twenty years ago when he had left for war.  He unsheathed his blade and examined it intently as it gleamed from the moonbeams that struck it before performing a couple of practice swings with it.  He then began doing more complicated katas, gaining speed with each subsequent action, he and his sword moving as one.  His katana arched upward for his final strike on his imaginary opponent, only to fall short of it.  He missed a step and tumbled forward.  I had never seen my father as he was then, vulnerable and exposed for the human he was.  My father took an eternity to fall to the ground, but when he did, my whole world crumbled with him.

            "Otou-san…" I whispered.  And in that instant, the picture I had made up of him in my mind was shattered into a thousand pieces, never to be mended again.  It pained me to such great lengths to see the man I admired most suffering.  I had always thought my father to be a man of strength and vigor who would never leave my life.  I had never realized the reality of the situation when he had said that I would understand when he was gone.  I finally made up my mind, although I knew that I must be myself, I could not stand breaking my family's heart either.  Before I can unchain myself of my obligations, I will bring honor to my family and make them proud.

I am going to leave everything I have behind to go to Kyoto…

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Author's Note:  Thank you to all of you wonderful reviewers!   I'm incredibly sorry, but every day it seems like there less and less time for me to write so I'm not going to make any promises I can't keep.  I _will_ write when I can because I love doing so.  Also, inspiration strikes and goes at the most spontaneous of moments and there are times when I cannot think of anything worth writing.  I do force myself to write whenever I can, although my writing may be even worse than it usually is if that's possible.  I hope you understand, but if not, I honestly will name some of my reasons in my profile for you.  So, was this chapter okay or was it boring?  Tell me if I make dumb mistakes!  I do promise that Kenshin will be making an entrance soon!

**Mercs:  **Thanks for being my first reviewer and for being so enthusiastic about it! *huge happy face* Of course this is a Kenshin fic!  Did you really think that I could ever leave him out?  And as I have told you before, the cherries were not meant for your benefit.

**JML:**  I apologize for not having provided much background, but I thought it would be more effective to gradually build it up in time. That, and it was only a prologue…  By background, what exactly do you mean: setting, personal history, or the historical background of the story?

**RoseoftheDesert:**  Thank you!  I was quite satisfied with the way the prologue can out.  Sometimes I cannot convey what I want to in words and I thought this was as well as I know how.

**^_^:  **I apologize if I don't update very quickly because I have so many things going on in my life.  I just might go crazy from the accumulation of stress, or maybe I already have… *walks off to contemplate*

**anime11368:**  Well, I can't exactly tell you how the two of them meet, so read on to find out!

**Neko Oni-chan:**  You should see Mulan, it's probably my favorite Disney movie, Thank you for the compliments and please continue reading!****

**Califpinay3001:  **Wow, do you really like it?  You're very encouraging and I'm very flattered, but you've put so much more pressure on me!  Though I enjoyed writing it as well, you've really raised the expectations for my almost nonexistent skills and I don't want to disappoint any readers.

**lexie-chan701 firefly:  **Thank you!  I may not be that great of a writer, but I am proud of what trivial things I can accomplish.

**Angel Kitty2: ** I'm sorry if I am disappointing you, but I'm not really using characters from the movie, just the storyline.  I do think that your ideas were really great.  I wish I had thought of that!  Unfortunately, this story will have more drama and less humor, but there will be some, I think.  If I decide to write another more comical fic, I will keep that in mind (with you getting credit, of course.)****

**Kitsune KeNsHiN:  **Yay!  I'm so glad that you reviewed!  You never let me down!  I love hearing from you and I hope you will like this story just as much, if not more.

**Ymir-chan:  **Sorry you felt that this started out slow, but you must know that I'm planning making this fic pretty long (well, long for me…).  And thank you, for luck is always a good thing to have and something I'll always need!****

**Nine Fires:**  It's awesome that you want to read more!  I hope I haven't kept you waiting long.  I barely have and time to myself anymore, but I think I'll try to when I can.

**Namiko the anime wizard:  **Thank you and I really appreciate that you haven't been pressuring me to update.

**RoseKurama1:**  Thank you!  It was so nice of you to review!


	3. Chapter 2: Beyond the Horizon

Author's Note: I did say that this was based _loosely_ on Mulan, right?  So, of course I couldn't resist putting in some twists here and there.  I don't think it will detract from the storyline, so I hope you can put up with them!  And if you don't normally read author's notes, I suggest that you do!  They might be pointless at times, but I just don't want readers to miss out on anything. 

Disclaimer:  Neither Rurouni Kenshin nor Mulan belong to me, but I will be "borrowing" them for a little longer!

For Honor 

Chapter 2:  Beyond the Horizon

By CrismHeart

November 6, 2003

I ran an index finger along the smooth metal, tracing the edges of the blade, before lifting it up towards my hair.  In one swift slice, the raven tresses that my mother treasured were no longer there.  I know it may sound superficial, but I just could not help watching the dark locks as they fell to the wooden floor.   It was as if my appearance had been my confinement and I had finally been released from it.  After a few seconds, I shook myself out of my trance.  I took out a leather strip to secure what remained of my now mangled hair in a bun, the way the other soldiers did.

Destiny… is that what they call this internal struggle within my heart, that difference between having to do what is demanded of me and what I expect of myself, the same notion as having to let go of the past?

The expanse of enigma unfolding before me makes me feel as if I am standing at the edge of the earth and time no longer matters.  In my eyes, the night sky has always held so much promise.  Though the stars may be minuscule in size, gazing up at them has somehow never failed to reassure me.  The lights of the stars twinkle like tiny glimmers of hope, guiding fools, dreamers, and travelers alike, through the depths of darkness and into the unknown.  I know not which of these categories I fall into.  Maybe, I can be considered to be all three, depending on who is speaking of me.  Perhaps I can refer to myself as just a person, someone who wants nothing more than to find out what is on the other side of destiny's path…

I would have departed promptly after my discovery that I had to go on this quest, but I kept making excuses.   How could I leave the place that I have lived in since I was born, my family and friends?  There are no words to describe the throbbing ache I feel inside.  As it is, I am leaving behind the only sense of identity I ever had to create one on my own.  However, it is not quite the same for I am not merely _creating_ an identity for myself, but rediscovering who I am… who I once was.

I have never been fond of farewells, but I suppose that as long as I did not say it aloud, I could continue to deny the fact that I would be gone.  I believe that if I do acknowledge it, I will only have mere memories to hold on to.  I will return one day.  I want to know that I will have something to come back to.  

Although I am going in my father's place, what I am afraid of most is that when I leave, it will be as if I had never existed.  I wish I were able to place a glass wall around my home to ensure that nothing would change.  I lingered in front of all the rooms I had known forever, and finally stopped in front of the gates that had had greeted me when I returned home from my errands each day.  This time, however, the gates closed noiselessly.  To me, they already looked like they had never opened for me before.

"Sayonara…" that word is tainted with such finality.  It makes me feel as if nothing is ever to be the same again.  And though I know that it is true, I still want to dream…  _He_ never did say goodbye to me.  Could it be that our paths will cross once more?  I always ask myself that, but find myself doubting.  No matter how much I wish it could happen, it is an impossibility.

I often find myself wondering whether there are soul mates in this world and if they do, where is mine?  Could there really be one person out there who can make this emptiness go away?  And most importantly, what if you had known him, but then lost him?

I suppose if others could hear my thoughts they would be laughing.  My father always did remind me how curious I was as a child.  According to him, I never stopped asking questions.

I still remember my childhood friend.  How could I not?  He will always be the same, the only boy I ever did love.  There are times when I do wish I could forget him though, because then I would not have to feel this emptiness inside.  In spite of this, I can see his face when I close my eyes.  He had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, the soft violet color of the sky when the sun rises, but it was more than that, when I looked in his eyes I could see the stars.

I have always heard that you never truly realize how much someone means to you until they are gone.  It must be true, for although I knew that I cared for him, I did not know that he held so much of my heart.  It was then when I first began to fade away…

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I trudged along the weathered trail that had been worn down by the feet of so many others.  By dawn, the fatigue was beginning to overpower me.  I placed a hand to my forehead to shield myself from the intense sunlight, hoping to make out some indication of life.  Fortunately, luck was on my side for I spied a village in the distance.

Living where I had and being female, I had never been given the privilege of traveling and had never strayed too far from home.  The terrain had long ceased to be familiar to me.  Although I was weary from walking for such an extensive period, I felt a sudden surge of energy and quickened my pace.  The thought that I had found a place to rest was sufficient motivation for me.

I slowed down to observe my new surroundings as I neared the outskirts of the town.  The area was more rural than what I was used to in Tokyo and I was not sure what to make of the inhabitants.  Would they welcome a stranger?  Looking down, I saw that my uniform was wrinkled and had a few dirt stains on it.  If my clothes were in this awful of a condition in less than a day's walk, I could not imagine what the rest of me would look like to an ordinary townsperson.  Why would they accept someone who did not even have the advantage of a good first impression?

Questions flooded my mind, but they were soon dismissed when I discovered that I was standing in front of what appeared to be an inn.  I tried my best to smooth out the creases on my gi and then took a deep breath before knocking.  It was still early, but perhaps the innkeeper would be awake by now.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing for someone to come to the door.  As if in response to my silent pleas, I heard the door slide open.  I opened my eyes cautiously, hoping that they were not deluding me.

A girl with a kind face stared curiously at me, but I was too relieved to mind.  She was about my age, with emerald green eyes and chestnut curls, but she somehow managed to remind me of Tae in that they were both prepared to help those in need.  I sighed softly to myself; I would not permit myself the satisfaction of sulking in self-pity.

"A traveler?  You must be exhausted!" she exclaimed as she took in my present state.  She ushered me into her dwelling lead me to a small room.  She then told me to wait there while she prepared some tea.

I stayed where she left me, but I must have fallen asleep sometime shortly after for when I woke, it was almost noon.  Oddly, I also was in a futon, rather than on the floor where I had been.  I hurriedly pulled myself up and went toward the doorway.  Because I was not acquainted with the interior of the inn, I did not know where to go.  There were several doors along the hallway and I did not want to disturb anyone if it was not necessary.

"Ohayou!  Did you sleep well?"

I jumped, startled by the sound of a person's voice.  I regained my composure as I saw that the voice belonged to the girl who had been thoughtful enough to let me in her home.

"Sumimasen, I didn't mean to frighten you!" she apologized.

"Daijoubu, I only wanted to thank you for allowing me to sleep here."

"Oh, it was no problem.  I know it's none of my business, demo… if I may ask, why are you wearing the clothes of a soldier?  It's very dangerous these days."

I was slightly confused as to why would she would ask such a thing.  "N-nani?  I don't understand."

"Ano… you are a girl, are you not?"

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Author's Note:  And guess who will be here next time!  Don't worry, I _will_ have the next chapter out soon!

*sighs* I'm so sorry I have not updated in such a long time…  I've been a bit depressed lately, mostly due to the fact that I constantly rediscover how much worse my writing is than everyone else's.  I've been a little paranoid of getting flames or bad reviews whenever my yahoo messenger would alert me.  See, I'm quite sensitive about my work…  what can I say?  I have so many aspirations I haven't reached, but with some luck creative writing won't be one of them.  I wish I could change my "style" for a more sophisticated one, but it's a lost cause.  Anyways, I want to express my gratitude to all of you!  I was having a hectic day until I saw your reviews and they really cheered me up!

Also, here's a question: who should be _in_ the army?  Of course there are some characters that will be automatically be included, but I know you guys will have great ideas to contribute, so please tell me in a review!

JML:  Thank you for the clarification!  I'll try to do my best with the history, but as of right now I haven't figured it all out yet.  I tend to make facts up as I go along since I can't base this on Japanese or Chinese history, unless you could help me somehow.  I doubt that my setting conveniently fits any time period, but I do try to research and check out facts so I don't write anything that's exceedingly inaccurate. Namiko-Daughter of Sekhmet:  Thanks, I hope you keep reading! 

**Kitsune KeNsHiN: ** That was a very sweet review!  I'm glad to have talked to you because you seem like a nice person, though I hope I didn't give too much away during our _interesting_ conversation about soul mates!
    
    **Califpinay3001:  **Thank you!
    
    **ashcandy:**  Yes, Kaoru _is_ supposed to be good at sword fighting.  I don't know about having her actually kill… we'll see.  Anyways, I know I have made mistakes, but I think I can manage without an editor.  Sometimes I just update before I finish editing because I'm so tired!  I'm sorry, I really will watch out for them, but there are times when switching tenses is necessary to distinguish from when the story is being narrated and when an event is happening in the present.
    
    **kibou eien:**  Thanks!  It's not so much talent as… well, what I spend my free time doing.  I just recently learned that I like to write for fun, so I've been trying to make time for myself!  Okay, that was a lie, I've always enjoyed writing, I just never spent time doing so until now.
    
    **Lynis Paris:**  *smiles* Your review was so touching, one of the kindest yet!  I doubt that I don't need corrections, but it was still nice of you to say!  And, I should hope that this is the only Rurouni Kenshin/Mulan crossover you've ever read since I opted for an original idea.  I have the strange need to be unique; it's so hard to be these days.****
    
    **simple-addiction:  **Thanks, I like Mulan too!  (Not that you couldn't tell.)
    
    **tocole:  **Thank you!  I'm so pleased that you like my idea!****
    
    **Venus Smurf:  **Wow!  That has got to be one of the best reviews I've ever received!  I'm amazed that you're an English major because it means even more to me since I know my writing can't be compared to what you're probably used to reading!  It is true that well-written fics are hard, and I'm delighted that you would place my insignificant work in the same category as them!  It's not in any way inconvenient for me to tell you when I update.  I'm looking forward to those "absurdly long reviews" you promised!****

**Koneko Battousai:**  Actually, I'm more of a humor person myself too!  It used to be the only genre I wrote.  One of my friends tells me that it's not like me to be serious while another one says that I'm the most serious on of them all, lol, but I wanted to try writing all kinds of stories, but I'll always make them romance.  It's funny really, because that's what I'm worst at.  Even if you do like humor better, will you please continue reading?

**Nitogumi:**  You've got terrific taste!  Hehe… it's obvious that I like both Rurouni Kenshin and Mulan too, isn't it?

**Mercses:**  *laughs* A chick with an anger management problem!  You and your weird sense of humor!   Just like "use it!" at lunch!  Anyways, I hope the characters do seem real since as I have said, there's a lot of myself in them!  Sakura blossoms?  Hehe… you have to be kidding me, not with you asking for them!  Just kidding!


	4. Chapter 3: If Only For A Little While

Author's Note:  I'm so sorry!  I said I would have this chapter out soon, but then again I was planning on being more productive.  I've had so many technical difficulties writing this that I won't into detail in, so if there is something "strange" about my writing, please tell me!  (However, I did pay the price of freezing myself while typing.  Our heater's down and it's forty degrees out!)  I will make up for it… both in writing and in drawings!  I am working on fan art to go along with this story and I plan on putting them up on my site as soon as I have something worth being viewed.  That bring up the question: is anyone interesting in seeing fan art?  If you are, I will warn you that I haven't drawn anime in ages, but I am a perfectionist, so… at least you can expect me to have toiled over my drawings.

And in this chapter, the "angst" is toned down a considerable amount.  It's quite light-hearted to tell you the truth!

Disclaimer:  Borrowing and stealing are not quite the same, right?  Hey, at least I'm acknowledging that neither Rurouni Kenshin nor Mulan belong to me!

For Honor 

Chapter 3:  If Only For A Little While

By CrismHeart

November 16, 2003

After I overcame my initial shock of hearing the girl asking me that question, realization struck.   How could I have failed my quest _before_ I had even reached my destination?  I cursed at myself inwardly for my idiocy.  I did not know whether it was better to continue denying the fact that I am a girl, or to actually confess the truth to her.

The silence was unbearable and I wanted to say something- anything as long as it would break it.  Unfortunately, the first retort that comes to a person's mind is not always what should be said aloud.  I could not stop myself from declaring, "I am not a girl, nor have I ever been one!" Even my to my own ears, my words sounded absurd.  

I was both angry with myself and nervous as to whether the girl would report to someone about me and clenched the folds of my hakama still tighter. However, I tried my best not to allow my emotions surface.  I could only hope that I was successful in retaining a calm demeanor.
    
    The girl furrowed her brow as if she were contemplating my answer, "Honto ni?"
    
    It was quite evident that she did not believe me, but was playing along.  Why she did not accuse me outright for my dishonesty, I did not know.  I lowered my head so that I would not have to face what was bound to happen.  I waited for her reaction in that position.  I almost thought that I was only living in a nightmare and had finally woken up with the stillness in the room.
    
    Just then, I heard a muffled sound escape the girl's lips.  Because it was taking her so long to respond, I was curious as to what she was doing.  Besides if the worst should come, I should be able to face it.  When had I ever become such a coward?  My parents may be distraught that their daughter had left home, but surely, they would be even more displeased to know that I could not even put their respectable teachings into use in real life.
    
    I lifted my face and my eyes caught the twinkle of amusement in her green eyes.

To my surprise, however, the girl merely tried to suppress a giggle.  "What is your name?" she questioned.

"I- I..." realizing that it was inevitable that I had to answer, I sighed, "Kaoru."

The girl noticed my obvious discomfiture and smiled in an effort to make me more at ease, "Don't worry, I wasn't planning on telling anyone about you. My name is Sayo.  Perhaps I could help you even."

Words could not describe the wave of relief I felt then.  I returned her smile with a genuine one.  Just then, a grumbling noise could be heard coming from my stomach.  I felt my cheeks grow warmer.  Sayo placed a hand over her mouth, but it was clear that she was laughing.  It was not an unwelcome act, however, for I myself have not been able to laugh feely for such an extended period of time.

"You must be hungry!" she exclaimed.

Sayo headed into the kitchen and came back minutes later with a pair of chopsticks and a bowl of rice with slices of a yellow radish pickle neatly arranged on the side.  

"I know it's not much, but this is all that I could find."  Sayo said apologetically.

I tried to reassure her, "I don't mind.  I'm only glad that you didn't ask me to cook."  I grinned sheepishly, knowing that my own culinary skills were not the finest.  Of course, I never would have revealed that detail to anyone else…

Sayo gave me a bewildered look before smiling.

Really though, I was just thankful to have found a new friend in this strange new place.  Even if it would only be for a little while, I felt secure in the comfortable atmosphere that filled the air when in the presence of a friend.  Although she seemed to be interested as to how I had come to be in such a situation, she never pried into my past and for this I was grateful.  True, I did consider her a friend, yet I knew I would not be ready to reveal the truth until after I had completed my self-appointed mission.

I asked Sayo to eat with me, but she shook her head.  "Iie, I've already eaten, though I will stay with you while you finish your meal."  

I must have devoured my food hastily for I heard the sounds of the chopsticks scraping the bottom of the bowl in mere seconds.   I saw that Sayo was sitting across from me
    
    "Ano… first of all, we need to find an alternate name for you.  You could not possibly keep your name.  You could be caught too easily since your name can be traced back to your family."
    
    "Eh?"  Sayo was right, I would need a new name.  I propped one arm against the side of my head as I often did when I was thinking.  
    
    Sayo had suggested quite a few names so far, but none of them were appropriate for me.  When she suggested the name "Naoko," I laughed.  What I was doing was could not be called honesty.  "Then how about, Hisoka?" she asked.
    
    I thought for a while… "Hisoka, secretive?  Iie, that would give too much away."
    
    "Masato?  Yasahiro?"
    
    I thought over Sayo's choices.  They did have a nice quality to them, but I wanted a name that would mean something to me… "Michiru," I said at last,
    
    "the ocean, I've always wanted to be like the waters…"
    
    Sayo gave me a mysterious smile, "Hai, that name suits you best."
    
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    
    Sayo and I discussed other issues concerning my disguise.
    
    "Kaoru-chan, you are too lady-like to be thought of as a boy…"
    
    "Me?" I laughed, "I am too much of a tomboy to be considered a lady!"
    
    Sayo laughed as well, "Maybe, but you still have lived your whole life as one…"
    
    Our conversation was interrupted when I head someone clearing his throat behind me.  I turned around to see who it was.
    
    "Onii-san!" Sayo cried.  She stood up and made her way towards the person.

I saw that the man Sayo had identified as her brother did resemble her in appearance.  His hair and eye color were similar to hers though they were a slightly darker hue.  A smile tugged at his lips.  I could tell that the siblings cared for each other.  Sayo's brother did not seem like someone who showed his emotions often.  It was pleasing, being able to see a family life filled with joy, but I felt as if I were intruding on it.  What right did I have to place my burdens in the hands of others, to be a part of their happiness?  I rose to my feet, wanting to slip away.

"Matte!"  I halted my movements.  Apparently, both Sayo and her brother saw that I was edging towards the doorway.  "Where do you think you are going?" Sayo queried.

"Domo arigatou, Sayo-chan.  You have done nothing but good for me, but I regret to tell you that I must go."
    
    "Kaoru-chan… you are my friend, and pure of heart.  I don't want you to leave, but I know you are too determined and stubborn so I won't try to change your mind.  If you must do this, then go.  I can only tell you to be careful.  We have not known each other long, but you have shown me much about your nature.  I wish you all the good fortune on your journey.  I am sure that we will meet again in times of peace.  Then, we can exchange tales of adventure.  Don't look so sad, you'll see, everything will be right in time…" Sayo then looked to her brother,  "Muto and I have been talking over a matter and if you would, would you accept our aid?  My brother has been taking care of the horses since our parents passed away and we do have a horse to accompany you.  It will be faster and safer."

As much as I hated to impose myself on them, I knew that they were right.  At the rate I had been traveling by foot, it would have taken me weeks to get to Kyoto and I knew that the army would have to be assembled within the week.

Sayo and Muto led me to the stable.  I instantly knew which of the grand creatures I hoped to be given.  It was the most beautiful stallion I had ever seen, built for both strength and speed.  Its potential was evident in its powerfully built legs.  Standing at fifteen hands high, the horse was as black as the night sky with an unusual shape on its forehead, a white star.  "His name is Hoshi." Muto informed me.

"Can I… I mean, is he…?" I stuttered.  I was still awestruck by the magnificent beast before me.

"If you want."  Who knew that three simple words could be so wonderful?

Muto opened the gate and put the saddle on the horse for me.  Because his height put him at an advantage, he lifted me up onto the horse.  I swung a leg over the saddle and held my arms around the horses' neck until I regained my balance.  Finally, I steadied myself so that I sat upright on the horses' back.  Although I am a girl, I had ridden before with Misao.  Her grandfather had taught us how to.  Taking hold of the reins in one hand, I used my free one to give a final wave to Sayo and Muto.

"We will meet again!  And I will bring your horse back to you!"

With a set face, I no longer thought of the dangers that would lie ahead.  I rode into the horizon, allowing the cool night air wash over me.  It was much simpler to free myself of my thoughts and focus on a single purpose.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had been riding for four days and nights, stopping only for sufficient food and rest.

I came to the hilltop that Sayo had told me to go to.  Sure enough, it did overlook an encampment filled with activity.  There were hundreds of men, but at the moment I was blind to all the activity around me.  The sharp glare created by the setting sun obscured my vision so that I could not make out their faces.  At that moment, the light from the sun caught something red.  It was that same unmistakable shade that could not have belonged to any other.  The sun always had managed to hit his flame-colored hair at an angle so that golden lights were dancing on it without end; I now knew that they still did…

I was so astonished that I did not have time to stifle the gasp that came out, "Shinta…"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:  Look! *gasps*  It _is_ him!  (…or is it?)  After all, this wouldn't be much of a story if he never arrived!  If there are any other characters that _must_ be in this story, please tell me and I'll see what I can do!
    
    For those who wanted to know, I used "Sayo" and "Muto" because they are the Japanese names of "Magdaria" and "Shougo Amakusa" in the series and the names that were mentioned mean: Naoko- honesty, Hisoka- secretive, Masato- justice, Yasahiro- peaceful, calm, wise (yes, perfect for Kaoru), and Michiru- ocean.

By the way, I know this sounds random, but could anyone help me with making my website?  I'm really bad with all technology, especially computers and I don't know where to start… so if you happen to be a genius at creating web pages, (or well, even if you aren't I'm sure you know a lot more than I do), please e-mail me!

e-mail: crismheart@yahoo.com

AIM: CrismHeart

**JML:  **Thanks anyway!  I've always found it interesting how quickly you review after I update.  Even I can't find my own story!  I do want to point out that I doubt Kaoru would look much like a boy if her hair were virtually the same (in a pony-tail) only slightly shorter.  Also, I know that the Chinese wore their hair up in buns, but many Japanese soldiers did as well.  I _have_ checked out pictures before.  The Japanese did borrow a lot of Chinese culture after all.

**Califpinay3001:**  Thanks again!  I'm glad you're still reading!  

**Mercses:  **I'm sorry, I ruined the "mystery guy" for you.  Hehe… "hopeless romantics who cling on to seemingly foolish love notions"- way to decribe us, not just me.  I have to say, it's strange that Amber Ann thinks you are more of one than I am.  And don't you dare steal my tissues!  

**Zeh Wulf:  **Yay!  *takes a deep breath*  You have no idea how honored I am to see that you reviewed!  I'm sure you already know how you are one of my favorite authors on this site!  Actually, I found this extremely interesting since I don't recall forcing you to review… that and I think I reviewed "In These Final Hours" some time close to the time I received yours.  Thank you so much!  You're possibly the only person who has ever tried to analyze or give my story constructive criticism and long reviews are always welcome!  See, it's very difficult for me to write. I never knew if I should make it a first person narration or third, but now that I've started, I'm kind of stuck with it.  On one hand, it's more personal, but on the other, I can't elaborate on details because it's from one perspective.  I apologize that it was hard to read.  I was thinking of writing one-shots (because of my internal monologues), but I like writing longer stories better.  I'm aware that I can't continue writing the same way as I had when Kaoru begins to communicate with other characters.  Anyways, I'm pleased that you would be interested in my fic!  Of course, I can't reveal what's going to happen because then it won't be enjoyable to read, right?  I'm always up for improving, when I'm not so weighed down with stress…  
    
    **Rekka's Angel:**  Thank you!  Your words were very inspiring!  And I know that most people leave nice reviews, but I'd just like to know that they're true…  
    
    **Namiko-Daughter of Sekhmet:**  Um… how soon is soon?  No, but seriously, I need someone to define that word for me, especially when it's used in the same phrase as the word "update."  
    
    **Naiya-chan:  **Thanks, sometimes I am down on my work.  I can't help it!  Did you notice that I read your poem?  *jumps up and down in excitement*  I do write poetry, though I can't say that it's any good…  I'm still amazed that you could tell!  Actually, I don't even remember if I wrote stories first or poetry…  
    
    **Koneko Battousai:**  I know I really took my time in getting Kenshin in this story… and for that I apologize profusely!  I was having problems with getting him to show up, but as we can all see, he's finally here!  Kenshin and Kaoru are the best couple out there!  And, that must be amazing being able to write romance.  It's such a challenge for me!  
    
    **Kitsune KeNsHiN:**  ^_^ Thank you, I can always count on you to answer my questions and you always have great ideas!  (No one else really pays attention to my inquiries…)  I didn't think it was possible for your reviews to get any sweeter!  And, the girl wasn't Misao actually, but I did say who she was in this chapter!  Hehe… and Kenshin just had to show up!  
    
    **chibi-tanuki:**  Thank you so much!  Did I update fast enough?  Okay, I guess I didn't, but I'm trying!  
    
    **ashcandy:  ***smiles*  Well, I agree with you on how unlikely it is for Kaoru to pass as a guy, but hey, lots of anime guys resemble girls, right?  And, I didn't mean Kenshin… why does everyone say that?!  *looks at screen in shock*  Kenshin does not look like a girl!  
    
    **koishii-glory:**  Thanks and you're welcome!  Your story is fun to read!  I never thought that people would talk about my fic, hehe…  It's usually the crème de la crème who are discussed.  
    
    **Miroku's-Best-Lover:**  Miroku-related things?  Do I really _want_ to know? lol, anyway thanks, this chapter wasn't very "poetic" though!  (and haven't I told you time and time again that you don't have to read anything that I write?)  I take it you didn't have fun in English?  I thought the books we read in Glatt's class are supposed to be classics, aren't they?  And when are we starting this manga?


	5. Chapter 4: A Look Into His Mind

Author's Note:  There's a slight change to this story, I will begin adding in Kenshin's point of view to the way this will be told.  This chapter begins with his thoughts to start out with and ~*~ will signify a change of character or scene.  I apologize in advance if this becomes confusing to distinguish.  Also, take note that Kenshin does not know that Michiru is female!  Oh, and Kenshin and Sano will both be eighteen in this story…

Discliamer:  Yay!  I finally bought the Rurouni Kenshin manga for myself!  And seeing as I don't remember all the little details from Mulan, I'm supposedly getting the DVD from my friend!  And still, I can't say that I own either of them…

For Honor 

Chapter 4:  A Look Into His Mind

By CrismHeart

November 28, 2003

Hitokiri Battousai, the name that struck fear in people's minds, marked terror in the souls of all… Is he who they say he is, heartless and cruel?  

Do they truly think that I cannot hear their constant whispers or see the frightened glances on their faces whenever there is mention of me?  In the beginning, they felt this sick kind of admiration and respect for me, but the emotions were never seen without pity.  I never want to see nor feel it.  

They believe that I thrive on power, the ability to take away a person's life with God-like speed.  That was never why I became the assassin whose skill in swordsmanship is beyond any in Japan.  I had such foolish ideals, believing that bloodshed was necessary to maintain the peace within my homeland.  In the end, it does not matter what justification is given, everything I do adds up to murder.  Emotions have always been a man's greatest weakness, so I tried unsuccessfully to rid myself of them.  I became the perfect murderer without a conscience, but not quite.  Maybe I am what they say, a monster without a soul left to keep me human.  I do not know how I had ever allowed myself to become as despicable as I am.

I have watched this scene countless times before and it still manages sadden me.  The men ordered to fight in this war were merely innocents, novices in life who had never had to kill before.  Once, I was like that, never knowing that the shadow of death would follow me for the rest of my life.  Now, when new arrivals come in, I never notice their faces, yet one pair of eyes was able to mesmerize me.  They were so familiar- that soulful blue that told of an inner strength that came with determination.  I searched my memory for them, but could not remember to whom they belonged.  I doubt I will ever understand why I was so drawn to them.  As our eyes met, I saw a look of astonishment flash across his face.  I was amazed as well.  There was no sign of trepidation in him, nor any other sentiment that I have come to loathe, but the name that escaped his lips did not fail to reach me.

"Shinta…"

That name- it had been mine at some point in my life, but still, hearing it now did not make sense.  No one knew me by that name, except… "Where did you hear that name?" I demanded.  My voice sounded menacing and I immediately felt sorry for the boy.  I was being irrational, something an assassin was never supposed to be.  However, the boy only continued to gape at me before apologizing.

"I- I am sorry, I must have been mistaken.  I was just thinking about someone from my past..."

I eyed him suspiciously for a minute, but decided to let the matter rest.  Pretending that I no longer cared for an explanation, I resumed my prior position, but by the time I turned around to see what the boy would do, he had gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Kaoru*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Never had I been more confused in my life.  Shinta… was alive?  An even more incomprehensible fact was that he was here, he really was.  But no- how could that be?   The man I had met was nothing like the boy I loved.  His face held such an unreadable expression and his eyes had changed.  It was not only because his gaze was now hard amber in color rather than Shinta's soft amethyst, but he also was different.  Gone was the warmth he had always radiated and in its place stood a distant shell.  Surely they could not be one and the same…  Yet deep down, I know that I will carry that small spark of hope within me to hold on to.

Nevertheless, I could not withstand seeing Shinta this way, so indifferent.  I fled from him as soon as I could.  I had known that going to war in my father's place would be a difficult task for me, but I could not have predicted just how hard it would be.  I cannot quite explain it, but so many feelings resurfaced as I looked at him.  For almost ten years, I had thought he was gone, that I would never see him again.  Everything would have been so much simpler if I could only continue to think that he had passed away…

I was so confused about the encounter, I still am.   I was initially disappointed when he did not recognize me.  At the same time though, I knew that all I should have felt was relief from not being discovered by him.

I decided that I was being too impractical.  I was better off knowing more about the situation at hand so as to avoid future confrontations I would have with him, the Shinta look-a-like.

"Oi, what's your name?"

Suddenly aware that I was being addressed, I spun around to see who was asking me the question.  Standing before me was a boy of eighteen years of age.  Unfortunately, I was also conscious of the fact that the boy was over six feet tall with broad shoulders and muscles to prove his masculinity.

I sighed, knowing that this would be my first real conversation in which I had to pass as a man.  I had to practice lowering my voice anyway; hopefully I would have enough talent as an actress to pull off this deception.

"Kamiya Michiru."

Seeing that he was wearing the uniform of one who was of a higher rank, I bowed.

He blinked in a fashion that demonstrated his bewilderment before his mouth curved in the unmistakable shape of a grin.

I was puzzled by his behavior. Was he laughing at me?  I could not take knowing that I was being insulted.

My anger dissipated when I heard him say, "You're alright, Kamiya."  He began to laugh heartily, "Hahaha, wait till Kenshin hears about this!  This is priceless, I didn't think there could be a guy more girly-looking than the Battousai, but you- ahahaha!  And you actually show your respect to your commanding officers, eh?  By the way, the name's Sano, or Sagara Sanosuke."

I eyed the spiky-haired teenager strangely before his words sank in, "I do _not_ look like a girl!"

His laughter only grew louder when I yelled.  I took a deep breath, inhaling the crisp air around me to calm my nerves.  It would not bode well to lose my temper so easily.  I then thought back on what he had said moments ago.

"…who is Kenshin?"

I suppose the quick change of temperament was not what he was used to.  After he recovered from witnessing my apparent mood swing, he answered, "He's my best bud, but he's also the deadly Hitokiri Battousai."  His normally warm brown eyes grew distant as if he were remembering something of a darker past that I could not have known about.

"Hitokiri Battousai…" I repeated.  I had heard of him, read of him- the legendary manslayer with a cross scar on his cheek, but I never could have imagined that he would be at the same camp I arrived at.  Was he as ruthless as people had said?  I was never able to picture such a person, who could kill and never feel anything afterwards.  In my mind, it just was not possible for one such a man to exist.  The way he was described, he was more like a beast than a human being.

Sano glanced at me, "Want me to show you around this place?"

I nodded and followed him as he led the through a small, but rowdy crowd.  Because I was much shorter than most of the men there, I had to stand on the tips of my feet to see what was going on.

"Saitou is testing the skills of the newest recruits." Sano clarified.  Sure enough, I could hear the clashing sounds of steel against steel.

I caught glimpses of the ongoing fight when the spaces in between those in front of me widened.  Hajime Saitou, he was one of the great captains I had heard of since I was but a child.  He was famous for his Gatotsu.  I was lucky that I would have a chance to see it for myself.  My father had always told his students to observe an opponent if given the opportunity so as to figure out which techniques would be most effective against him.

My thoughts were again interrupted when I heard Sano speak, "Oi Kenshin!  Over here!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:  Hmm… less reviews than usual.  Maybe my writing _has_ been steadily worsening. *shrugs*  Well, please review, so I know!  I love receiving comments, outside opinions, and although I don't want to say the word "criticisms," I do pay attention to them as long as they are constructive!  And I'm still in a relatively good mood, so I won't be hurt quite as easily.

It's Thanksgiving weekend!  Less school, more time!  Yay!  And to all those who celebrate, I hope you had a wonderful one!

Also, for some odd reason, I forgot the order of rankings in an army, so if you know, please tell me!  Oh, and I may have some mistakes that I will look over.  It's just that I have to leave right now, so I'm trying to get this out as quickly as I can.  Sorry!

**ashcandy:  **Telepathy, huh?  Well, my friends have always told me that I'm psychic, lol.  And, I did know that Kaoru is a boy's name too.  Um… I'm a bit confused, were you referring to my writing or my drawing?  And thanks for telling me about the kendo info!

**JML:**  Thank you for informing me about Kaoru's name.  I did actually find that out, hehe… researching seemingly pointless information helps a great deal!  However, I felt it was necessary to change her name.  What if  "Shinta" were to think that the name sounded familiar?

**Miroku's-Best-Lover:**  Steph, I know you are proud of yourself for writing that intro for English!  So am I!  I think that in anime, the creators decide for the characters to not have parents in order to focus on the storyline, but that's just my theory.  Yeah, Sailor Neptune!  I still get to be her, right?  You better not find someone else who's more like her!  Yay!  Manga, we're off to a good start, aren't we?    Even if _someone _has not been working on it.  And, why is it that _I _have to come up with an idea?  Sorry, but there won't be a little red dragon, maybe next time.  It's a bit complicated….

**Rekka's Angel:  **Thank you so much!  I don't mind if you have to write a short review.  It's always quality over quantity, right?  Besides, it means a lot to me that you even are reviewing since there are people that read, but _don't_ review.  I hope to continue hearing from you!

**bootleg:**  Yes, of course Sano's going to be in the story.  *smiles* Your wish has been granted, though seeing as how he's your favorite bishie, I'm a bit scared as to how to portray him.   I hope you won't be disappointed!  Oh yes, I would love it if you would help me with my web page!  As I said, I don't know anything, hehe… I'm not very technologically advanced.  I guess you can e-mail or IM me since I don't know how to get in contact with you.

**Kitsune KeNsHiN:**  Yet another kind review from you!  Thank you!  And, I definitely will be including most of the cast of Rurouni Kenshin.

**Lil-Sun-Rie:**  I definitely will check out your stories!  I know it has taken me some time to.  I'm sorry, I have had so much to do lately.

**Haruko1:**  Yay!  I'm so glad that you like my story!  It is true that the Disney version of Mulan is not historically accurate, but hey, it still had a good storyline!  I think I can say this because of my background.  Oh, and I apologize, but I don't think

**Mercses:**  I don't know whether to be angry with you or to be pleased with your response.  Your favorite character is thehorse-_ the horse?_  Hehe… animals aren't supposed to die in horror movies (well, not true in "The Ring," but still!) so I won't let any die in my story either! (not that it is a horror…fic?)


	6. Chapter 5: The Value of Acceptance

Author's Note: I have been so guilt-ridden lately!  Argh!  I apologize incessantly to you for taking such a long time to update… it was combination of writer's block, lack of time, and a lot of emotional stress, but I hope you will stay with my fic!  You know, one day I want to be able to have an author's note that doesn't include a "please forgive me for not having updated!"  I suppose, you can read about my problems with this chapter afterwards if you need excuses.

So, without further ado, I present, my long-awaited chapter!  (Ehehe, be warned that it may not be that great, I tried!  No inspiration and not very being very dexterous does that to you.)  It begins with Kenshin's point of view again!

Disclaimer:  Not much has changed since the last time, I still don't own Rurouni Kenshin or Mulan…  My friend claims she can't find the DVD being sold anywhere!  *cries*

For Honor

Chapter 5:  The Value of Acceptance

By CrismHeart

January 2, 2004

I stopped abruptly when I heard someone calling me.  With narrowed eyes, I quickly scanned the area around me for any sign of danger.  I sighed as I noted that there was nothing out of the ordinary.  The only things I did spot were the spiky tips of Sano's hair.  Figuring that Sano wanted me to go towards him, I did.  When I neared him, he reached out and clasped my shoulder in a show of companionship.

"Kenshin, have you met Michiru yet?  He's new, but he's cool."

It was then when I was first aware of the presence of another.  The scene was almost comical.  My eyes followed Sano's right arm and discovered that it was attached to some poor person who was desperately attempting to hide behind him.  This must be Michiru, I thought.  I strode behind Sano so that I would have a better view of exactly who this Michiru was.  Surprise could not have accurately described the bewilderment I felt.  I should have expected something as bizarre as this to occur- it was the same boy that I had lost my temper with earlier.

I knew that it would be best for us to put our differences behind us.  I felt ashamed of myself for having yelled at the boy.  He had not been at fault, I had…  When was it not my fault?

"I… apologize for before." I managed to say before Sano cut in.

"Kenshin, you know him?"

I was at a loss for words.  I did not want Sano to know that I had been acting so unwisely, even if he was the only one who had any knowledge of how I became a hitokiri.  He had never known me before I… changed.

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So, Kenshin and Shinta were one and the same?  No, I corrected myself, not Shinta, the Hitokiri Battousai, a man to be feared, but all the while I told myself that, I could not help but feel some emotion stirring within me for him.

I caught a glimpse of red moving towards us and braced myself for who I knew I would have to face within seconds.  As I predicted, I found myself to be the subject of scrutiny of those amber eyes.  I tried to turn away and avoid looking at them, but they hypnotized me as always. Besides, it was difficult to escape when Sano had his arm on my shoulder.  There was no way for me to run away. I sighed, how long could I really do this without accidentally informing him of my true identity?

"I… apologize for before." Kenshin said with a small bow.

I was amazed that he would openly tell me that he was sorry.

"Hey, Kenshin, you know him?" Sano glanced at us skeptically.

Noticing that Kenshin appeared to be slightly embarrassed about out previous encounter, I hastily blurted out, "It's nice to meet you, Kenshin."

I could visibly see the expression on his face change to a somewhat more relieved one as Sano's interest died down.  At the same time however, he raised an eyebrow and gave me a quizzical look, as if baffled that I would help him.

"And you, Michiru.  You must have made quite an impression on Sano for him to be introducing you to me…"

The noisy cheers of the men for the venerated Saitou Hajime grew louder.  It was obvious from the loud thud that the stone-faced captain had defeated yet another soldier.

"Michiru, you ever tried sword fighting before?" Sano asked curiously.

"Ano… I studied my father's technique when I was younger." I could not seem to keep a faint blush from rising.  I had no desire to talk about what training I had or had not received, especially when I was in the presence of some of the most prized fighters in all of Japan.

"You any good?"

"I… I'm not sure.  I've never faced an opponent before…" My words must have had some effect on the silent redhead beside him.  Although he did not make any movement to indicate that he was paying attention to the conversation, his shoulders tensed up.

"Well, you have to fight Saitou like the rest of the others…  Maybe it's better to do so now, rather than later.  If he weren't such a heartless bastard, I would say that he's taking it pretty easy on them." Sano gestured at the fallen soldier who was less than twenty feet from them.  He had multiple bruises and cuts, but did not appear to have any life-threatening injuries. 

The more I contemplated over what Sano had just informed me of in regard to Saitou's character, the more I believed that Saitou had to have a heart beneath all the coldness he displayed as Captain.  When he had been testing the men's skills, he had never really shown his real strength.  He had been holding back, and never had he actually _used_ the renowned Gatotsu.  Also, he had a katana, and it would surely do more than produce a few scratches on a person's skin.  Saitou Hajime was strict, but not cruel.

"I… okay." I agreed.  I hoped I sounded more resolved than I felt.

Sano immediately pushed me into the gathering and gave me a wink, "Eh, Saitou, ready for another challenge?"

I sputtered with indignation, "Sano…" I could not believe he had done that, the traitor!  I- just because I had told him I would fight, it did not mean I was prepared.

Saitou looked at Sano with displeasure before turning to me.  I hurriedly bowed and then gazed up to only to see him do the same.

"Do you have a suitable weapon?" There was no doubt in my mind that Saitou Hajime was efficient as he was dangerous.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Kenshin~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Have more faith in him… just because he's scrawny, you automatically underestimate him. You know, I wasn't convinced of your skill when I first met you, but you proved me otherwise." Sano adopted an almost enlightened look that did not quite become him.

"Sano…" I glared at him, and to my contentment, he stopped his ramblings.

It was true though, that I was concerned about this Michiru.  I was not sure why for it was not as if I had ever met him before.  He was not even a friend of mine.  So, why then, had he helped me out of that confrontation with Sano?  Have I really become so much of a failure at hiding my own emotions from others that he could sense them?  I shook my head.  No, I was allowing someone to see too much of myself.  It could only lead to misfortune.

Michiru was just like all the other novices; he was not one who had ever had to look death in the eye.  For him, for them, they would not have to be plagued by the unceasing nightmare that blood had spilled by their own hands, for a little while longer, but soon everyone would have to be exposed to it.  It was what came of war, no matter how many people have tried to downplay the harsh realities with their romantic tales of heroism and adventure.   I sighed inwardly for I always had such depressing thoughts lately.  I would rather be the naive idealist I once had been...  Perhaps I was letting myself become too consumed with paranoia or… perhaps he really did remind me of someone that had been close to me in a former lifetime.  In war, justice can never ring true.

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I pulled out my bokken.  The other men laughed and I knew what they were thinking.  Surely, a boy of no rank could not be foolish enough to believe that he could defeat _Captain Saitou Hajime_ with a wooden sword.

I watched him closely, narrowing my eyes in concentration. Somewhere, somehow, I could hear the jeering in the background, but I had placed an invisible soundproof barrier around myself so that all that was audible to me was the beat of my heart. I knew that he was waiting for me to make the first move. It was obvious that he did not think of me as a challenge. His overconfident smirk and glint in his eyes informed me that he was merely humoring the other soldiers in fighting me. Saitou Hajime was a wolf, and I, his prey.

His eyes flashed as he saw me charging at him.  It must have come as a shock to him that I would still fight.  With a quick side step, he managed to evade my blow.  I thought hard as I used the momentum of the bokken to flip sideways.  My feet landed on the soft, yellowed earth.

How was I to outsmart the most cunning of men?  I knew that my only chance of defeating Saitou would be to rid him of his sword.  There was no other method suited to do this than the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu ougi.  I had never used it on a person before, but I knew that I had to try.

I first had to think up a diversion so he would not know of my plan.  It then dawned on me and I struck at his chest, knowing fully well that aiming would be of no help.  He countered as I had predicted, but there was no denying that when it came to fighting, he always would be physically more powerful.

I dug the soles of my sandals into the ground to keep myself steady.  I would use the force that he exerted into the sword to my advantage instead.  The creaking sound of his blade splitting my wooden sword was not particularly reassuring.

As I let the remains of the bokken fall, I crossed my wrists so that the backs of my hands on either side of his blade would keep it from striking me.  It had sliced into my hands in the brief period I had dropped my bokken, but I could endure the stinging.  The pressure in which I held onto the blade would soon make my hands numb anyway.  I slid the backs of my hands down the length of the cool metal so that I would be the one in control.  I was at the hilt of the sword when Saitou halted.  I was astounded by his sudden action that I did as well.

It was a rare sight to behold.  The corners of Captain Saitou Hajime's mouth were curved upward.  Could he possibly be smiling?  I felt only confusion.

"That was quite a move there.  You were about to use my own weapon against me." It was more of a comment than anything.

"The Kamiya Kasshin Ryu embodies the principle of using a sword that protects- on my father's honor, I will not be so easily defeated." My words were clear, though I was certain that my voice held a hint of hesitancy.

Saitou's countenance became thoughtful.  His face no longer held the same coldness as it had when I first saw him.  "Your father?   Kamiya…  He always did say that he would settle down after the war and begin his own teaching style that would suit a time of peace…"

"You- you know my father?" I inquired.

Saitou gave a slight nod, but did not give me any more information.  His eyes were paternal, "You should go to your tent.  I did not realize that you were Kamiya's son, but in his honor, I will let you have a tent to yourself."

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Although, the day had been nerve-racking as well as exhausting, the feelings of giddiness that came with having to adapt to a new life were still going strong.

Sano had complimented me on doing so well.  Saitou would surely place me with the more advanced soldiers.  If they were not favored, they were well respected at the very least.

Kenshin had been impressed as well, according to Sano, but he had not told me directly so I did not know what to think.

"Was he really?" I wondered aloud, "Well, I guess I am slowly being accepted around here… it is more than I can say about home.  That word already sounds so far away…" I laughed at my satirical musings, "I'm being accepted, only this time it has to be as a man.  Someday, I wish to be loved for who I am. "

And with that last moment of consciousness, I gradually drifted off into a fitful sleep, dreaming of violet eyes and a gentle smile that could never be lost in the comforting realm of sleep.

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Author's Note:  You reviewers are too good to me!  I don't know what I'd do without your support!  Writing seems to be my escape from my extremely stressful life.   Okay, my excuse:  See… I saved my story onto a disk and for some reason the files can no longer be opened, so I had to retype the chapter, in which I forgot what I had previously written.  *sniffles*  So I was panicking over what to write _again_ since I apparently have a bad memory when it comes to _my own_ writing.  I hope this chapter was satisfactory…  Thank you all for being so patient!  And Happy New Year!  One of my resolutions is less procrastination and I'm placing a whole lot of activities under this category, so I hope to be writing more with my "newfound" time.

I hope everyone had fun over break!  Please review!  (Reviews make me feel awful for taking so long… but they also make me feel better knowing that there are people reading my story!)  Oh, and tell me if there are any… mistakes.

**Naiya-chan:**  That's okay, I don't know what to write in reviews either!  Well, I apologize since I haven't been able to read your story, but I've been really stressed out lately…  I am glad that you enjoy the plot though!

**JML:**  Thanks for understanding!  Lately, I have tried finding out more about Kaoru's moves, but there doesn't seem to be that much information on Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. 

**Namiko-Daughter of Sekhmet:**  You're too kind!  I try my best for those who like my story!  Sorry if I disappoint you though, because my life has left me barely enough time to write…

**Krissy:**  Yay!  You reviewed!  You know, I've been waiting for this moment, lol.  Thank you!  I'm sorry that my last chapter was so short!

**Roku-chan:**  Thank you!  Thank you!  I'm flattered by your compliments!  There will be Kenshin and Kaoru moments, of course.  However, I'm terrible at writing romance and it will come a bit later.  Hey, I can make you my official informant on the portrayal of Sano!  As for Soujiro… I was planning on having him be a part of this all along! *smiles*  I just have to figure out when and how to introduce him.

**MiSS bATTOUSAi:**  Thank you so much!  Though, there really isn't anything about my writing to be envious of… I mean, I really don't think of myself as a good writer.

**Rekka's Angel:**  Thanks!  Dialogue has always been the most difficult for me though… but if you could, please tell me if the characters are out of character.  Even if my fic is alternate universe, I like when they keep their personalities.

**Digibaka:**  Yup!  It's a good thing no one else thought this storyline up.  Well, I hope no one has…  It's better this way because now no one is able to compare my work with theirs!  Besides, what if I couldn't measure up?

**No one in particular:**  Hehe, I kind of wish you had a "name…" but oh well, as long as you keep reviewing!  I'm terribly sorry I can't really update often…  Parents yelling at me all the time, argh!  I can't take the pressure!  However, I promise to make the effort!

**Lil-Sun-Rie:**  Thanks for letting me off the hook!  *laughs nervously*  I'm sure your stories are terrific, though.  One day, I _will_ read them!  I promise!

**Califpinay:  **Oh, the drama!  Hehe, just kidding.  I find it ironic how I write cliffhangers when I don't mean to and when I actually try to, no one notices.  I just ran out of time then!

**Kitsune KeNsHiN:**  Ehehe… soon is a funny word, but thanks for waiting!  Talk to you soon!

**Zeh Wulf:**  Thank you!  This setting is especially hard to write, but I think I'll get it eventually… hopefully…

**Witchitta:**  Thanks for reviewing!  It's nice to know that we have some things in common!  (Well, I can't say the cross-dressing part, but…oh well.)

**Tara Nepion:**  I really appreciate your comments, well, not about being evil, *grins* but besides that!  I could only hope the characters come across as human and I guess I'm doing okay if you seem to think so!

**Dark Angel:**  I apologize if I gave the impression that I wasn't continuing.  I've just been so busy with schoolwork and if I don't put academics before fan fiction writing, my parents would probably kill me!  See, if I actually do die, I won't be able to write anymore!

**aglaia102:  **I'm so sorry!  I know that there are people out there telling me to continue, but there are so many obstacles in the way!  My school finally let out for break, so hopefully I can write more often!

**ashcandy:**  lol, lazy?  Well, it doesn't matter!  You can write whatever thoughts you have about the story though, I don't mind.  In fact, I encourage it!

**fuzzy-food:**  Thank you so much for reviewing all of my chapters in one day!  I'm truly grateful!  I considered it a special Christmas present!

**SarcasmSage:**  Thank you! *bows* But seriously, who doesn't love to be showered with excessive compliments?  I hope you keep reviewing!


	7. Chapter 6: To Chase Away Nightmares

Author's Note:  Guess what?!  I'm so excited!  When beginning this story, I had thought I should only focus on Kenshin and Kaoru because they are the main characters, I discovered that it would not allow for the other characters to shine every once in awhile.  I thank Roku-chan for coming up with the idea that I should write bonus chapters and that is just what I'm going to do!  After you read this chapter, I will have a list of characters that you can vote on for the upcoming bonus chapter! ^_^ This begins with Kaoru's memory sequence (quite important if you ask me).

Disclaimer:  Neither Mulan nor Rurouni Kenshin belong to me, but times like these make me wish I owned them more than ever…

For Honor 

Chapter 6:  To Chase Away Nightmares

By CrismHeart

January 16, 2004

In my dreams, time never passed.  I would revert to past memories in which I would be happiest and relish them.  It's a shame that with sleep came the moment in which I would have to open my eyes.  And this was how sleep could continue to torment me mercilessly.

            There were instances in which I my dreams were not full of joy.  Ever since I was a little girl, I had always had nightmares, but only one that reoccurred.  It seemed that it was the one of utmost significance as I could recall each image vividly.  The world was shrouded in darkness like an ominous rain cloud waiting overhead.  It had all the marks that a terrible event was about to occur.  The peculiar part was that there was no one else around and I did not understand why.  There was no sound, no color, no light, nothing…  I called for my mother, my father, my friends, for anyone and everyone I knew, and still no one would come.  Why _wouldn't_ anyone come?

The tears I would never allow others see poured freely.  Aware that I could not prevent what had not yet happened, I felt so vulnerable that I had thought that the solution would be to become stronger.  It was one of the reasons why I began to learn to fight.  Budo gave me strength and some degree of security, but I could never be entirely confident.  I always admired the way people could be so self-assured.

It's funny to think about.  How could one be afraid of a nightmare?  They can never physically harm you and yet they can instill certain emotions in you.  Do I fear having feelings…?  In a battle, it's always best to conceal such sentiments from the adversary, but I suppose I have adopted this method in life as well.

I remember that I had been five when I had last had that nightmare.  I had bolted upright in my futon.  My hair was damp with sweat and beads of perspiration caused my nightclothes to cling to my skin.

"Kaoru-chan, doushite?"  I looked up to see my father enter my room.

"O-Otou-san?" I looked at him.  I was not sure why my father was in my room.  Ever since I was old enough, my parents had made me sleep in a separate room from them.  Perhaps I had been calling out in my unconscious state.

"Hai." My father put a comforting hand on my back. 

"Gomen ne, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"I was going to wait until your birthday to give this to you, but I think it's best to for you to have your present now.  Make sure you take care of her." I noticed that he was holding an object in his hand.

"For- for me?" I asked.  I reached out, curious to see what treasure was being held in my father's hands.

She may have only been a doll, but she was most precious to me…  the size of a hand, I carried Sayuri-chan everywhere I went.  She reminded me of my mother in various ways.  They both gave off the impression that they were perfect whereas I had so many faults.  They were graceful and refined, what every girl wished to be.  It's odd to be able to describe a piece of cloth like that, but in a sense, she was a part of my family.  She was also someone I could never be.

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This time my father could not be beside me, but I still kept Sayuri-chan in a pouch.   I had not thought much of it until now, but under the cover of my thin blanket I felt to make sure the pouch was still there.  In my last instances before waking, I could feel the rustling of cloth brushing against my arm.  There was no doubt that there was someone in my tent.  Still feigning sleep, I grabbed at a spare bokken to the right of me and slid it across the floor in one swift motion.  I listened for the thud that was sure to come.  Judging from the close range the person had been to me, the intruder would definitely trip.  When I heard the sound I had been waiting for, I opened my eyes.  A tall, thin woman with dark locks and scarlet lips had fallen beside my futon.

"Eh?" I cried out.  I was puzzled as to why a woman would even be in a training camp… well, besides having reasons akin to mine.

She sent me a malicious glare that caused me to shudder involuntarily.

"Who are you?  And what are you doing in here?" I asked.

"You should be more respectful to your elders.  I am Takani Megumi, the one and only female doctor on the premises.  Saitou-san sent me here to check that you did not have an infection from the cuts you received yesterday." She answered haughtily.

I glanced down at the palms of my hands and saw that they were bandaged neatly.  I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"Ano… doumo arigatou gozaimasu, Takani-san," I paused to think what else I should say to her, "Gomen nasai, I did not realize you were here to treat me.  I would like to make up for my mistake in time." I then bowed to show my sincerity.

The doctor was a very complex person.  I could tell she accepted my apology.  She even gave a small smile, but that did not mean that she would forgive me.

I sighed, hoping that I had not made an enemy.  Beneath all the arrogance existed a woman with a kind heart, or so I want to believe.  After all, she _had_ come into the business as a healer.  It was far more impressive that she should be a practitioner of medicine when only men were allowed to become doctors.  It must have been difficult for her to overcome all the obstacles…  I felt sympathy for her; perhaps we were not so different.

Megumi beckoned me to follow her, "Come, I am to show you to where all the soldiers are training.  You will be late if we do not leave soon."

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Luckily, it was still early and the weather was pleasant.  I was not certain whether or not I should look forward to the training.  It would certainly be vigorous and even more so if it were too humid later on.

"Oi, Michiru!"

I could recognize that voice anywhere.  "Sano!" I exclaimed, but then saw that his attention was diverted once again.  He was more focused on the woman beside me.  Men could be so aggravating!

Megumi seemed to share the same thoughts that I did.  She scoffed, "Tori-atama, is there a reason why you are drooling all over me?"

I stifled a giggle.  I had never noticed how much Sano's hair did resemble the crown on a rooster's head until Megumi mentioned it.

"Why do you taunt me when you know you want me?" Sano countered.

"Ohohohoho!  I wasn't even aware that they word 'taunt' was in your vocabulary!" Megumi laughed before adding, "Why would you even assume I would ever be interested in you?"

"Hah, I know you just try to deny it."

I genuinely felt sorry for Sano.  I could see that although it was their usual banter, Sano was hurt by Megumi's rejection.

Sano tried to keep his mind off of Megumi and spied Kenshin.  He called him over and in the brief seconds it took, Megumi had latched herself onto Kenshin's arm.

"Ken-san!" she dubbed him, "I haven't seen you in the infirmary in some time.  Would you like me to stop by for a private check-up?  Ohohohoho!"

"Megumi-dono, that does not seem to be necessary as I have not been injured recently." Kenshin stated coolly.  I could not tell if he was merely pretending to be clueless or if he truly was.

It would be simple to imagine that fox ears would sprout out the top of her head whilst she carried on with her flirtatious ways.  What was more infuriating, however, was the fact that Kenshin failed to take any course of action in preventing Megumi from flaunting her inappropriate behavior.  Did she not know that Kenshin was not hers?! Not that he really belonged to anyone, of course...  And what about Sano?  How could she just say things like that when she was right in front of him?

"Kitsune." I muttered through clenched teeth.

Sano chuckled, "Kitsune?  That's a good one, I never would have thought of that."

"What did you just call me?!" Megumi screeched.

"Nothing, nothing." Sano responded, though it was obvious that he was still amused at the new nickname that suited Megumi best.

As Megumi stomped off, Saitou came to announce that training would commence.  He made it clear that there was to be no idleness whatsoever.  Saitou divided the soldiers so that they matched as close as possible to each other in level of skill.  

He finally came to inform me of which group I was assigned to, "I have seen the best and the strongest, and you are not among them."

I tried to hide the flush of disappointment from my face.

"_But_," he stressed, "You have more potential and determination than I have seen in years.  It is that which shall bring you success.  Make sure you do not lose it.  I will personally overlook your training to make sure there are improvements."

I smiled for I knew I would work hard.  I never wanted to let down any more people.  Though I know strength was not the solution to defeating the darkness of my nightmare, maybe will and preparation would be enough to combat the unknown disaster.  Maybe it would never have to strike.

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Author's Note:  "Sayuri" means "small lily," though it's not of any real significance that I know of presently.  And, if you didn't understand what I was rambling on about in my previous note, I will try to explain myself better.  The bonus chapter will be written in other characters' perspectives.  This could possibly clear up more of the confusion in this story, but hopefully I won't give too much away by accident.  Don't choose based on favorites, but on which character you feel will be the most interesting to hear from!

The choices are as follows:

Sano Megumi Saitou 

There will be more varied choices as the story goes on.  It's possible that there will be a bonus chapter for every 100+ reviews?  I'm not sure…

PLEASE VOTE in a review!  And if you don't want to in a review, IM or e-mail me! (see profile)  If no one votes, I guess I could cross out that idea. *pouts*  I may be starting a mailing list, so you can give me your e-mail address if you would like to be on it. ^_^ Thank you!

**Kitsune KeNsHiN:**  Thank you!  I never know what to say to you anymore, besides that because I'm just so grateful that you never seem to give up on my writing or me.

**t:**  Hmm… you've got me thinking.  *averts eyes*  Actually, I'm just not as insightful as you.  That thought had never occurred to me.  I was just figuring out a way for Kaoru to have more privacy…  I think she would have started panicking if she had to be in the same tent as a bunch of *cough cough* real men.  It was just a simple solution.  I'm sorry, maybe I'm too simple-minded when I'm tired.

**JML:**  You always seem to be full of information! *grins*  Actually, I found some sites that were of assistance, but I was never able to confirm how precise they were.  So, thanks for verifying it for me!

**Naiya-chan:**  Hehe, if I remember correctly, you have several well-known authors reviewing your fics!  I should be the one jealous, not you!

**aglaia102:**  Thank you!

**Lil-Sun-Rie:**  I'm sorry you've been busy.  I have been as well… hey, was that a threat?  I did try to update more quickly though.  The first week back to school is a hard one.

**diety of death1:**  O.o  Did I read correctly that you'd actually want to be on my mailing list?  I'm not sure if I had said I would have one, but I guess I could start one.  It just never occurred to me as necessary since people would blame me for filling up their inboxes with my useless announcements about updates, but if you wish, I have no problem in sending e-mail!  ^_^

**Digibaka:**  lol, after mentioning a paternal Saitou, I began thinking up strange twists in which Saitou would be Kaoru's real father.  How's that for scary?  Just kidding!  I doubt I'd tell anyone that if I were planning to do that.  Hmm… I was thinking of making someone play the role of Mushu, but then I would have no idea as to which character he/she would be.  If I do, he/she will be introduced later on.

**Krissy:**  Yay!  Lots of "very"s in front of "good!"  Thanks for making me feel better about that review!

**No one in particular:**  ^_^ I understand about the name thing…

**Disciple-7:**  The comment on the improvements makes me feel odd…  I'm not extremely happy with everything I write.  I know when I can do better, but I also know when I should be pleased.  I had felt that the increase in setting detail would be a metaphor showing how the story does not truly take place until Kaoru's arrival at the camp.  Well, I'm glad that you enjoyed!

**purpo kitee katx:**  You have some interesting ideas!  Megumi will be in this fic, of course, and I'm not entirely sure as to how I'll go about solving the Aoshi predicament, but… I shall figure out a way!

**TanukiGirl22:**  Thanks for reviewing practically every chapter in one day!  I'm amazed at the fact that you relate to my problems.

**lightning-storm:**  Thank you!  Thank you! *smiles*  You must be one of those special people that have been blessed with the ability to make others happy!

**Friend of InuYasha+Kagome:**  …That's okay if you haven't been an attentive reviewer, though I'm quite confused, as I don't remember seeing your name before.  Anyway, thanks for taking the time to review!

**Kyia Star:**  I'm sorry if my verb tenses confused you, although I thought past tense in stories implied the present.  Maybe that was third person… Perhaps it's because I seriously am not taught grammar in school… *sighs* As for the DVD issue, I simply cannot buy it.  It may sound strange, but my friend promised the DVD and says that there's no other present she would rather buy me.  However, I do feel it would be sensible to rent it…

**MZ. AmbER EYES:**  Thank you so much!  It's always great to know when I'm doing something correctly…  *sighs* I still wish people wouldn't copy my idea, but I guess if it's obvious that mine's the original… it won't be too bad, right?

**Willow:**  I wholeheartedly agree with you about Kaoru's lack of fighting in the original series.  Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons why I have such problems trying to figure out her different techniques.  And guess what?!  You wrote my 100th review! ^_^

**Usagi Tuskino:**  Thank you!  When I first started thinking of how to write this story, I had no idea as to whether to write in first or third person.  I hope I made a good choice!  After I started, it didn't make sense for me to do it any other way, although it has been quite difficult when Ihave to differentiate between what I know and the characters cannot.

**Witchitta:**  Wow!  Thank you so much for telling me!  Do you think my friend could order from the store?  I live quite far away from Chicago…

**ashcandy:**  lol, yeah, it does make me think, but it is understandable.  Hey, everyone can dream! And it is mine to one day be nominated!  Hehe, thanks, I told you I wouldn't become desperate…


	8. Chapter 7: The Other Side of Me

Author's Note:  Please do not accuse me of sabotaging the results of the votes.  Some people did not write theirs down in a review, or did tell me in an IM instead.  Altogether, there weren't many votes anyway, but Saitou received 4, Sano received 4, and Megumi received 2 votes.  Saitou and Sano received a tie!  So, this chapter will consist of both their perspectives!  Yay!  Sano is first!  (And, I really try not to curse in stories… but I couldn't stop myself when I was writing for him!)  Also, this entire chapter is a little short as my parents are yelling at me to never use the computer! *sobs*  I will re-edit this when I can, but right now I must upload!  I'm so, so, so sorry!

Disclaimer:  Rurouni Kenshin and Mulan are not mine.  If they were, would I really be writing fan fics? (Okay, don't answer that, I probably still would…)

For Honor 

*Chapter 7:  The Other Side of Me

By CrismHeart

January 24, 2004

            I watched as she walked away.  I try not to show it, but… it hurts when she does that.  There always was that saying that the one you loved most could also hurt you the most.

            I don't know what it is that draws me to her.  Maybe it's the way her silky hair falls even when she makes the slightest movement, the way she purses her lips when she's in thought, or maybe it's simply the way she can be so beautiful and intelligent at the same time.  It's the little things about her that no one else seems to notice.  All I do know is that when she's happy, I am too- and that never ceases to amaze me.  One look at her, and I know that I'll never find anyone better, anyone who I'll love more.

            In a way, I know I'm lucky, at least more so than others.  I _did_ meet Megumi after all.  How many people can say that they know what love is?

            Kenshin never tells me anything about himself, but I think something happened during his past.  He's not the heartless assassin that everyone says he is, but he's never been extremely sociable, not while I've known him anyway.

            Some nights I hear him when he's having nightmares.  I wouldn't blame him for having them.  He's seen more than he should have for someone his age.  I remember that once he was mumbling incoherently in the middle of the night.  I woke up and saw that his face was wet, as if he had been crying.  I leaned forward to hear him more clearly, but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying.  It sounded like it was the name of someone he had been close to…  I wonder if Kenshin had lost that someone.  I haven't seen him show his emotions openly, but I think that's what he does, save them for the nighttime when he has to deal with them in his sleep.

            Sometimes it's hard when you can't even figure out your best friend, but I know it wouldn't be a good idea to force him to tell me.  I would know, I've tried.  Even is he's not ruthless, he's still the Hitokiri Battousai and he still could kick a person's ass any day, especially if he's in a foul mood.

            I glanced over to see what the other men were doing.  Michiru was dueling another man who was about a head taller and twice as big with a bokken as I predicted.  He really was pretty good, especially for someone new.  "He'll probably end up making a name for himself soon.  It's always the one you least expect to be the best." I thought with a laugh.

I was given special permission to carry on with my own training.  The newest technique I had come across was Futae no Kiwami.  It involves two quick hits to an object, one to reduce the resistance preventing its destruction and the second to destroy the actual object.  I haven't mastered it completely yet, but I am getting there.  I'm tired of the Wolf and his sinister smirk.  I'll wipe it off his face one day.  Why the hell does he act like he's so superior?  He claims that he beats me because I don't have any defensive skills, but I will prove him wrong.  After I teach myself Futae no Kiwami, I there's no doubt that I will be able to defeat him.

People always think that I don't understand others around me, but it's not true.  Michiru's a decent guy.   I know he is because, he kind of reminds me of Kenshin.  They both seem kind of lonely though, like they've lost a lot in their lives, but they never complain about it.  It's good to be around people like them.  They're the type of people who don't look down on you.  They do act strangely around each other, though, not that either of them is entirely normal.  Maybe they _are_ smarter than me, but hey, it's not like their looks could ever compare to mine.  With my physique, who would fall for anyone else?  On the other hand, Megumi does hit on Kenshin all the time and he's probably the shortest man alive, not that it means anything.  She couldn't possibly like him… could she?  Why does she have to play with my feelings anyway?

            Maybe I'm not good enough for her, but dammit, who is?  I'm not invincible like Captain Sagara, who I wish I were like.  I guess I'm just scared of losing her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Saitou*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The three words emblazoned on every warrior's heart was "Aku Soku Zan- Kill Evil Instantly."  In this world, there is only black and white, truth and deceit.  How could it ever be possible for something to be in between?  It is meaningless to question what is already assured.  Life was never meant to be fair for there is only room for what is right and what is right, is just.  Good and evil function in the same way.  The war has a good cause, to protect our country, those we love and those who attempt to obstruct our cause, becomes an enemy.  But there are times when I am tired of it all…  After witnessing the destruction and doom that is brought to our world, can anyone honestly say that there is such a thing as a foe?  I hold no distaste for the outsiders, they are doing what they believe is right.  I am merely doing the same.

I work for no one, but myself.  At least it had always been that way, until I met Tokio.  Tokio… I wonder what she may be doing at the moment.  Was she still smiling just as sweetly as I remember?  When I came into the midst of combat, I vowed never to expose my wife and sons to the gruesomeness of it all.  All I allow myself to carry are the brief memories that I have of home.

I observed as Kamiya's son executed another series of swings.  The men had been divided into pairs so that they could practice dueling one another.

Michiru reminds me of his father.  Occasionally, I wonder is he is not really just a younger version of him.

I always admired Kamiya for his ideals.  Granted, he had been a more than a respectable soldier, but what he had more of than anyone else was heart.  I admit that there are instances in which I regret not letting others read my emotions, but at the same time, I know that I cannot change my ways.  I used to believe that feelings were so unnecessary for survival.  A hesitation in battle would lead to death.  In war, survival was of utmost importance.  It does not matter how many lives you take to survive, as long as you do.  In a world where the distinction between killing and being killed, who would choose otherwise?  This conviction was altered when I met Kamiya.

Michiru had asked whether I had known his father.  I had not answered, not because I had not heard, I had perfectly fine, but I had been thinking over a proper response.  Do I know Kamiya?  He had fought in the war twenty years earlier, when I had been fifteen.  I had also been there to see the precision he never failed to carry out.  All of his movements were calculated, and he never faltered.  Unlike the rest of the men who proudly strove to rid evil, Kamiya claimed that there was no real evil, but war itself.  We were merely victims lured by false appeals to our morals.  The only solution was to win the war, and it would only happen at the cost of innocent lives.  Even then, I could tell that there was truth in Kamiya's words.  He stands for his principles.  I cannot help but inquire whether I do the same.  I cannot say that I truly know him, but I do believe that I understand him more than I had before.

            He had told me once, that after the war, he would never fight again.  The defense and protection of life was more valuable than annihilation and loss of another soul ever could be.  Nothing was gained in war, and yet I am still here.  Politics has always been a web of deceit in which everyone was a part of.  I continue to train the new generation to fight because I do not want the next to have to.  It is selfish, but I must as long as my beloved and my sons are waiting, there will be risks.  As a husband and father, no one will carry more shame- no one will know about it more…

I had not talked to Kamiya in five years… but the oncoming shadow of war had consumed the minds of the spineless government officials and the military had been constantly trying to build up its forces ever since they caught wind of what lay ahead.  Those who headed the administration would always promise that afterwards, there would be a time to recreate peace.  I had told myself that I would have time to accomplish all that I wanted to during this new era.  However, seeing as Kamiya's own son has entered the war, it is more convenient for me to write to him.  He would be proud of Michiru too.  He has taught him well and instilled the same values I had seen in him.

"Kamiya, forgive me for borrowing your son, he will return safely when the war is over." I said to myself.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:  Not many votes this time… *sighs* If this chapter was not to your liking, don't worry, as there will be more opportunities for bonus chapters in the future!  I am quite happy that you all seem to have reasons for your choices.  It makes it all the more interesting to know!  ^_^ 

Excuse me if Sano and Saitou sounded OOC, but I just couldn't help it!  Saitou can't always be a cold-hearted guy, right?  And, Sano can't always be… slow on the uptake.  I'm sorry, I almost never write fluff so I didn't go overboard if you're one of those people who expect me to.  However, I _am_ horrible at writing first person, especially since I never write about certain characters.

Even though I will be taking a small break from writing to study for midterms, I'm sure it won't be too noticeable… It starts on January 29 for me. *frowns* Anyway, I'm going to be starting a new story… or two, if I have time (and work on this one, of course!) The sad part is that the beginning and ending of a story is always most complicated to write, for me, anyway.

**JML:**  I'm sorry Megumi didn't win.  I actually wanted to write from her point of view because it would be the easiest… *sweatdrops*

**TanukiGirl22:**  Sorry the last chapter seemed shorter.  I think it was because of the lack of actions or scene changes.  I don't mind that you want to write a fic based on "The Lion King."  It sounds cool!

**Naiya-chan:  **I've never known how to write from any character's perspective that's so different from my own, like Sano.  My friends tell me that I always have a "me-style," and I think I'm beginning to realize why.  I have such problems writing otherwise.****

**ashcandy:**  Thanks for your suggestions!

**purpo kitee katx:**  I promise to put in more Sano/Megumi moments… or at least have more lighthearted scenes.  There's one coming up soon, I think. ^_^

**Kitsune KeNsHiN:**  Hehe, I don't know why, but for some reason I thought you would choose Saitou.  Did you like it somewhat? *looks nervously at screen*

**Kitsune-Onna19:**  Yay!  Thanks for all the reviews!  I love reviews!  And getting so many is even better!

**Kyia Star:  **Well, Saitou received a tie with Sano, but that's okay, isn't it?  I hope my interpretation of him was acceptable.  I think I've noticed that my character are different internally than externally. O.o

**Krissy:  **Thanks as always!****

**Digibaka:  **Well, see, the character doesn't _really_ have to be perched on Kaoru's shoulder, lol.  That probably wouldn't work out too well unless they shrank… a lot.  Oh, and I hope the SATs went well!****

**Haruya:  **All these name changes are confusing me, lol!  Thanks for telling me and I hope you continue reading!

**Witchitta:**  Thank you again for telling me!

**Lil-Sun-Rie:**  Of course I'm okay! *grins* It takes a lot for me _not_ to be!  Anyway, I don't mind if you take awhile to review as long as you do!

**Roku-chan:**  Hey, you're welcome!  You deserve the credit anyway!  You _are_ special!

**Kaname-chan:**  Wow!  Thank you so much!  I never intended for this fic to be cute, but sure, why not?  And I'm sure that you are a much better writer than you think you are.

**lightning-storm:**  Well, if you don't believe me, then at least you made one person happy!  That's me!  Um… see that wasn't a pairing, I just didn't get them separated for some reason on the site.  Oh well, lol.  I'll try my best to review, but at the moment I think I'm probably being yelled at to study for midterms. O.o

**Chibi Binasu-chan:**  Yay!  Thanks for checking out my story!  I wasn't sure how exactly to contact you so if you don't read this, I'll try to review again…  For your story, I think Soujiro/Misao would be cute, but I feel bad for whoever doesn't end up with Misao… *sobs*


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